Every day, I do the writerly thing of telling myself I need to write, finding something to distract myself from writing for oh, five hours ("boy, that litter box sure does need a fresh coat of paint!"), then lambasting myself for not writing. Though, I do usually give myself some credit for using the word "lambasting."
This got me to thinking about what it would be like if I had to motivate myself to do the things I do every day with ease.
Exhibit A: "Jen, you have to eat a bagel today. No excuses. You want to be slightly rotund, don't you? So just go out, get a bagel, and eat it in all of its delicious butteryness. C'mon, the first bite is always the hardest."
Exhibit B: "Jen, lose your pants in a pile of your own filth. Just get up off the pile of said filth and search around frantically like you just lost your adopted Ethiopian baby in the grocery store. Don't put pressure on yourself to break down into tears about the fact that you are so inept at life that you cannot find your own bottoms ... though, it would be nice."
Exhibit C: "Jen, do not bathe today. Just stay away from water and cleaner of any kind. Don't even go near a candle until you have not bathed."
Exhibit D: "Jen, just do it. Even if it's just for three hours straight, Just. Nap. You have that little index card with "NAP!" written on it above your computer for a reason, don't you? So stop being such a waste of space and NAP! I mean, c'mon, what's the point of going to college for it if you're never even going to attempt to fall asleep mid-afternoon while standing up at your kitchen counter?!"
Ugh. Did this count?
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
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hit counter Hits and self esteem are positively correlated, so please click "reload." My neighbors, who will benefit from a significant increase in the number of Haagen-Dazs pints available to them at our corner deli, thank you. And I do, too.
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