Merry Christmas.
Thursday, December 25, 2008
The Fourth Wise Man Speaks
"Guys, what the fuck??? We said no presents! You let me walk all this way and didn't even think to mention, just once, that you had all just so happened to decide to go and bring gifts? This is such bullshit. Gold? You brought gold, Pete?!? That's just fucking fantastic. I'm going to look like an asshole. I've sweat all the way through this friggin robe, my walking stick is a piece of crap, and now you're bringing GOLD?!?! Real convenient, you just had gold lying around the manger, huh? You guys are unbelievable. I'm gonna become the Ringo Starr of this operation, no one's going to remember the guy who didn't bring a gift! What am I supposed to do when you're all standing there, giving him your fancy gold and God dammit, is that frankincense? This is going to be so fucking awkward. Jesus Christ, you guys."
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas.
Thursday, December 18, 2008
The One Thing That The Internet Was Missing ...
... Was me, in a bra.
Hold your breath no longer, world wide web.
New Landline video:
Hold your breath no longer, world wide web.
New Landline video:
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
I Want To Be a Part of It ...
Oh, the Big Apple.
Last night, in this grand 'lil town we like to call New York City, I had the privilege of seeing my favorite band, Wilco, open for Neil Young, who could impregnate you if you drank from the same cup that he did 25 years ago.
After this once-in-a-lifetime show, I boarded the trusty A train to head home. It wasn't long into my trip before my travel partner and I noticed a large, possibly homeless (I don't want to be judgemental, but he didn't look like he had any place to keep a set of keys. Oh, except maybe in his open sores.) man had taken his pants down and was urinating/defecating on the other end of the train.
Deciding that Neil Young was the only person who I would have allowed to defecate on me that evening, we decided to move to another car at the next stop.
And we did. And upon entering and moving to an available seat, I stepped right in something a previous passenger must have forgotten on the train. Their vomit.
Only In New York, right?!?!?! Oh, probably also in prison. I bet this type of stuff happens there all the time.
Last night, in this grand 'lil town we like to call New York City, I had the privilege of seeing my favorite band, Wilco, open for Neil Young, who could impregnate you if you drank from the same cup that he did 25 years ago.
After this once-in-a-lifetime show, I boarded the trusty A train to head home. It wasn't long into my trip before my travel partner and I noticed a large, possibly homeless (I don't want to be judgemental, but he didn't look like he had any place to keep a set of keys. Oh, except maybe in his open sores.) man had taken his pants down and was urinating/defecating on the other end of the train.
Deciding that Neil Young was the only person who I would have allowed to defecate on me that evening, we decided to move to another car at the next stop.
And we did. And upon entering and moving to an available seat, I stepped right in something a previous passenger must have forgotten on the train. Their vomit.
Only In New York, right?!?!?! Oh, probably also in prison. I bet this type of stuff happens there all the time.
Friday, December 12, 2008
Friday, December 5, 2008
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hit counter Hits and self esteem are positively correlated, so please click "reload." My neighbors, who will benefit from a significant increase in the number of Haagen-Dazs pints available to them at our corner deli, thank you. And I do, too.
