Frequently Asked Questions By Rejected Applicants To HottPeople.com

Frequently Asked Questions By Rejected Applicants To HottPeople.com, the Internet’s Premier Dating Website for the Genetically Blessed and/or Cosmetically Enhanced

Thank you for your application to HottPeople.com, the dating site designed exclusively for Hotties. Unfortunately, we regret to inform you that our team of incredibly chiseled judges has deemed you unworthy of becoming a member of our site.

Often rejected applicants will inquire as to why they were denied acceptance to HottPeople.com. Please allow us to tell you why you were determined to be physically inferior and rejected before you even make this inquiry, by referring you to the FAQBNAP (Frequently Asked Questions By Not Attractive People) below.

Was I rejected because I'm ugly?

This is a concern that you should banish from your possibly misshapen head, for only about 49.6% of our rejected applicants are what we would call 'ugly.' So there is a good chance that it's not that you are ugly; it's just that you simply are not Hott. Also, in a few rare instances, it may be that you ARE indeed Hott, but are not a Person. We are hard at work on a system that will enable our server to automatically filter out applications from animals, plants, and anyone who has appeared on an MTV reality show.

How many people apply for membership to HottPeople.com?

Too many to count, but a good estimate would be the entire population of Brazil, both in number and in the level of knock-your-Crocs-off-hott. Our application pool consists of an incredibly high volume of incredibly attractive, hard-bodied, certified grade A Hotties, and if we accepted every single one of them ... well, then our site would remain exactly as is, because that is what we do. Nevertheless, rest assured that you were fairly denied acceptance to HottPeople.com based upon the faults of your physical appearance alone, regardless of anyone else’s Hottness or Nottness.

How are applicants rated?

HottPeople.com utilizes a very dependable and thorough Flame Rating system. Each applicant's set of three photos (one headshot, one full body, one wearing a bathing suit while mounted upon a roaring wild tiger) is reviewed byHottPeople.com's panel of judges. Each judge gives an applicant a score from 1 to 5 Flames (1 being the type of flame that could be blown out by your dying grandmother on her last birthday cake's candles, 5 being what killed the dinosaurs.) The highest ranking applicants are awarded membership to HottPeople.com, as well as an exclusive graphite HottPeople.com member card that gains you free, unquestioned entry into 50 of the participating hottest clubs in the continental United States.*

Who are these judges that are determining I'm not attractive enough, anyway?

We assure you that our judges panel consists of five of the hottest employees at the Santa Monica branch of Hollywood Tans.

I'm embarrassed that I was rejected by HottPeople.com, and I don't want anyone to know about it. Do you keep your applicants' personal information secure?

Of course! We take great care to make sure that the identity of each and every HottPeople.com applicant remains confidential. The only way anyone could retrieve information about rejected HottPeople.com applicants would be to log into the password-protected "Bottom of the Barrel" section on our website.

Well, who knows the password to that?

The password to our highly secure Bottom of the Barrel section is your favorite word.

Wait a second ... how do you know what my favorite word is?!

Don't be silly; we have no way of knowing what YOUR specific favorite word is. The password is the favorite word of the person who happens to be entering the password. Any word will do, as long as it the person's favorite.

This is a load of crap, I know I'm a hott person!

Yes, that's all well and good, but this is a dating site is for Hott People, not just hott people. And please, don't even try to plead your case by telling us that you are merely a HOT person. The extra T isn't just there for the sound it makes, you know.

C'mon! Just let me reapply.

Sorry, but we think we've been through enough having to look at your set of photos ONCE. Please don't make us do it again. They're only funny the first time, then it just becomes depressing for us, and we've learned that no amount of Muscle Milk can help that type of sad.

OK, that's fair. But can I work on losing some weight, getting my dimpled butt that had no business wearing a bandeau top in the first place in shape, and possibly purchasing a new nose, THEN reapply?

Now you're talking! We whole heartedly encourage applicants who are branded as Un-Hott People to reapply once they take the necessary steps to stop focusing on what's just on the inside. In the meantime, we encourage eligible rejected applicants to consider applying to our sister dating site, LoadsOfMoneyWhereShouldIPutItAll.com.

But wait; don't you care about my mind, my personality, or my overall benevolence towards every human being I come in contact with? Are good looks all you really want in a partner?

No, and yes. In that order.

*No clubs currently participating in this offer. However, we have received an exorbitant amount of interest from an establishment by the name of ‘SnowBallz’ in Bethel, Alaska, if any Hott Person should ever decide to travel to Alaska.